The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Emotional clutter
I have had a strange week. We have been on holiday but have stayed home, Ron went to day 2 of the final Ashes test on Tuesday and then played golf on Thursday so I have had a fair bit of time at home with the girls. That coupled with the fact that because I feel like I am on holiday, I feel entitled to let the standards slip a little has meant I have been feeling a bit moody. My issues with my sense of entitlement around various things, food, lazy time, time on my own is something to be explored at a later date I think!
I have also been feeling a bit sad actually, 2011 is a funny year for my family back home in South Africa with my sister embarking on her year of community service as a clinical psychologist and my Dad approaching retirement at the end of the year. We are all a bit up in the air about what our plans are for this year and going forward. I suppose I am just having an awakening I have been in denial about for a long time, that I live a very, very, very long way away from my family and its getting harder to cope with, not easier. On some level I was hoping I might go home again this year, especially as I have just had a Christmas here in Australia and would love a Christmas in South Africa to look forward to. Unfortunately for a bunch of reasons thats not going to happen this year and instead we are going to spend Christmas here this year and hopefully we can go back to South Africa for Christmas at the beach with my family at the end of next year, 2012.
I am not sure what has changed recently that has caused such desperate waves of homesickness. I think its a combination of lots of things but mainly that I am a grown-up now, responsible for my own family and our plans and we need to sit down and plan out what we want to do this year and in the coming years. Ron and I need to take responsibility for our holidays and goals and start working towards them together.
Thankfully Ron knew just what to do this week while I was feeling so down, he left me to sleep in, brought me coffee and raisin toast in bed. He was gentle with suggestions and didn’t push me to snap out of it. Finally this weekend I have made some progress towards feeling a bit happier. We finally bought a desk for my workspace in our bedroom and Ron spent hours last night putting it all together for me!
Its going to be my office, my space, all my things around me, everything to hand in drawers and shelves. We also bought a laptop stand and wireless keyboard and mouse and now my laptop is perfecting positioned for editing and I am whizzing around at 100 times the speed using a mouse instead of my touchpad! Ron hooked up the desktop monitor to my laptop and now I have two monitors on the go, one for email and internet and one for editing! This is all going to work towards streamlining my work process and hopefully I will be able to seperate business from pleasure and spend more time engaged with the girls rather than mindlessly fiddling around on the laptop.
 Ron had some help from the small people. He will confess it did go a lot faster after they had gone to bed!
When I woke up this morning I was already feeling better, a little lighter, more enthusiastic, less irritable. We went looking for a bigger tent and found an awesome one at a great price. We are definitely going to plan more camping trips this year because its something we enjoy doing together and after the initial cash outlay, its a much cheaper holiday choice and really good for the girls.
(Desk – before)
Back home today and suddenly I was in the mood to organise. Starting with my new desk I tidied, sorted, cleaned, dusted, hoovered and before I knew it I was moving things around and clearing space and throwing clothes into bin bags. We went through all our linen and sorted it into guest sheets and towels, our spare sheets and towels and everything that was old or worn got stuffed into a bin bag. Later this afternoon we took those bin bags down to the collection point and dropped them off. A huge weight off my shoulders.

I am sitting at my new desk with a glass of wine, content. Calm. Happier. I hope this feeling hangs around and I can build on it and start planning and getting excited about those plans. Right now I need to log off so I can spend some quality time editing the maternity shoot I did on Thursday!

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