The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Happy Birthday my precious Stella
My precious Stella, today you are One. Today is the anniversary of the day that we met you for the first time although in the instant of meeting you it was as though I had known you always. I think back to those days before you arrived and I marvel that it was you inside me all the time. Today you are standing up on your own and taking those hesitant yet frantic first steps to throw yourself into my arms. You smile with your dimple and your beautiful great big blue eyes and your wicked chipped front tooth and I can hardly contain how I feel about you. Your arrival into this world exploded everything around you with love. I didn’t think it possible to love your Daddy more than I already did but seeing you cradled in his arms pushed love into areas of me I never knew existed. When your big sister came into the hospital room, nervous of how her life was changing right in front of her, I was afraid that your existence would somehow make me love her less, in fact the opposite was true. I could suddenly see your life mapped out ahead of you, I could picture you grown up and all I wanted to do was scoop Amy into my arms and love you both with every fragment of my being.
Stella, my Lala, you are my cuddly baby. Where your sister used her independence to discover the world on her own terms, you are content to let it come to you. I was so afraid that giving up breastfeeding would take away that closeness with you but all along you knew what you wanted and now that I have stopped fighting it and let breastfeeding slowly slip away, you cuddle me even closer and more frequently as though you understand that it is about my needs, not yours. I used to think your big sister was an old soul, I still do, you on the other hand are a brand new soul, your incredulity and wonderment shine through your eyes. You bring people in towards you, little old ladies reach out to pat your head or chuck your cheek and you smile readily. You cry as easily as you smile and this often gets you the reaction you crave from those around you but Daddy and Amy and I know you better, you are the consummate drama madam and will switch off the cries even before those fat tears have dried on your cheeks.
Stellabella. I was uncertain how our lives could contain another person, I was afraid my ability to parent would stretch too thin across more than one child. I was nervous of how we would make room for someone else. What I never imagined was that who we were would become irrelevant, it is who you are that is important. You have cemented all our positions in this family by being our baby. Ron is a better father and husband, happier and more fulfilled. Amy has a job that will be one of the most important in her life and I hope it will be as rewarding as my role of older sister has been. As your Mum I feel only a sense of deep privilege to be yours, to be needed by you and to be able to provide and care and love as passionately as I do. Before, I was afraid that two children might be too many, now I am afraid that two might not be enough because you have allowed me to embrace my role as mother, nurturer, carer! This is what I do best, love you and your sister and your Dad. This is what makes me who I am now. Older, wiser, more able to embrace each and every day of my life and yours. More courageous than I ever gave myself credit for. Mothering you has made me humble. Mothering you has made me love my own mother more. Loving you has made me love myself more.
Stellabooboo, today is your birthday, the day you go from being zero to being one, as Amy says. This time a year ago I was in a lot of pain. I was afraid that all my fears were going to come true about your birth, that I wasn’t strong enough to bring you out. I clung onto your Daddy’s hand as hard as I have ever held onto anything before, as though pulling on him could pull you right out of me. I sighed and moaned and said I couldn’t do it and cried that it all hurt too much and it was never going to be over. And then I pushed you into the world at 3.28pm on a sunny afternoon much like today is and nothing has ever been the same since.
Happy 1st birthday my precious sweet darling daughter.
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