The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
This post brought to you by my period

I can’t believe I didn’t post yesterday. I was doing so well posting everyday in November and then blam. The most horrible day I have had in as long as I can remember. For various reasons, starting with Stella waking up at 5am again after another horrific night. In fact all the nights are just blurring into one big shocking wake-up at the moment made worse by this awful cold that Stella has had for ten days. It started last week with a runny nose and the sneezes and on Sunday night it quickly deteriorated into the croupy, booming cough that she has presented with twice before. She was still sleeping ok, as in waking twice, three times a night but settling again and she wasn’t off her food. Yet. I took her to the Dr on Monday who said it was viral, self-limiting, the usual, keep her well hydrated, let her rest. It proceeded to get worse but not ever severe, now the cough is dry but also rattly and she coughs a lot although that doesn’t seem to actually wake her but she takes forever to get settled.

Oh god I am getting side-tracked already. So Stella is awake at 5am and ready to start the day. I stumble out of bed, exhausted, disorientated and not in the mood to discover that I have started my period. Great. Just what I need. I start to feel REALLY sorry for myself. By 8am its already 30 degrees outside and steamy. We have a long standing playdate with a friend who has a pool, we drop Ron at work and go to the friend’s house. Amy is just not herself, I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, but its how I feel too. Irritable, jumpy, sweaty. Disheartened. TIRED. I at least have a hormonal excuse for my mood, whats Amy’s problem? Almost immediately the trouble starts, Amy shouting at her friend for not sharing. Shouting at me for not getting in the pool quick enough. We have a swim, the water is heavenly, cool and soothing, I could stay in forever if I didn’t have a hot and grumpy baby to deal with and a three year old who seems to have left every good quality she possesses at home.

I give Amy a warning for shouting, I give her a warning for snatching, I give her a warning for kicking me, I give her a final warning, threatening we will leave unless she pulls herself together. She loses the plot and throws herself to the ground. I pick her up, kicking and screaming and carry her inside for a time-out. I tell her to get it together, final chance, or we go home. She comes outside, says sorry, gives me a cuddle and then immediately attempts to leap into a tiny paddling pool, badly bruising and scraping her leg. She is inconsolable. It only gets worse from here, by now Stella is sweaty and crying, I am aching inside, worn-out. Amy screams at her friend again and so I grab our stuff and we leave. Amy screaming all the way home.

At home its even hotter now, nearly 40 degrees. The house is airless, the aircon slow to cool it. Stella refuses to eat but naps. Amy continues to tantrum about everything. I tune out. Nap on the couch. Later I drag myself up to get Stella to a Dr’s appointment. On the way out the door I catch my lovely new dress on a rose thorn and rip it. Driving off in the hot car I let a few fat tears slide down my face. I am SO UNHAPPY. The Dr says Stella’s chest is clear, recommends infant nurofen to help with the inflamed airwaves causing the irritation and coughing. I have no money in my wallet for an ice lolly for Amy. This tips her over the edge again.

Back home I tune out again, the house is a mess, piles of wet swimming stuff, a load of clean washing waiting to hang out, dress-ups all over the floor, a big box of puzzle pieces upended. I send an SOS text to Ron to come home as quickly as possible. The minute he gets in I head out the door. I need some time to myself. The shops are quiet at 5.30pm on a Friday night. I wander around the supermarket picking things that I don’t need and end up spending over $100 on items that weren’t on a list and weren’t necessary. I stop by the dvd place and pick up Twilight. Only three things are going to improve my mood tonight, Edward, a block of white chocolate and a very large glass of wine.

I head home, hoping the girls will be bathed, quiet, ready for bed, instead they are both screaming. The kitchen is a disaster zone, the piles of clothes just where I left them. Amy refuses to go to bed, eventually we leave her in there crying. Stella is piteous, unhappy, I dose her with nurofen which has the opposite effect I was hoping for, suddenly she is happy, alert, smiling, playing, clearly whatever was bothering her has been soothed by the pain relief and now she wants to hang out. Finally at about 8.30pm both girls are in bed, mostly asleep. Its still hot. I switch off the computer (bye-bye nablopomo) and get into bed. I am sulking, angry. UPSET.

I make it through about half of the dvd before falling asleep. At 1am both girls are awake and screaming. Ron attempts to soothe Amy who is roaring about wanting her light on, wanting books. I bring Stella into bed with me, she kicks me repeatedly, I arch my body away from hers, the heat is still oppressive. I feel like I might explode out of my body, my nerve endings are on fire with the desire to run away. Eventually Amy settles and I take Stella back to her cot. I turn the ceiling fan up in our room and the baby monitor down. I mentally remove myself from it all and somehow I manage to go back to sleep.

Its 6am and Stella is awake. I drag myself out of bed, body heavy and lethargic, mind – tired and moody.

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