The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Photography, the highlights and the lowlights

My brain has been processing all sorts of things since my recently. I thought I would try and write a little about what has been going on inside my head when it comes to photography lately. I have been thinking about photography A LOT and anyone who has known me for a while, or knows me in real life, will know that I have a lot of issues surrounding photography, both the hobby and the profession. I am still currently on my self-imposed ‘maternity leave’ since having Stella but after we get back from our holiday at Christmas I am going to have to make some decisions about which direction I want my life to take in the coming years. Photography plays an important part in this thinking process.

I am determined to get to the bottom of my issues and my lack of confidence or self-belief with regard to my photography and hopefully lots of other things will fall into place when I finally get to the bottom of WHY I find it so hard to believe I could actually take photographs of other people and their children. Its absolutely not about whether I could make a living from it or whether it will remain a hobby, rather its about some part of me that appears to be broken and that I can’t seem to fix no matter how hard I try.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for validation because I know I can take a good photo, instead I am trying to work out why I can’t seem to believe in myself when so many others already do. I have touched on this subject on the blog previously and then for a long while I settled into a comfortable routine of taking photos, editing photos and posting photos to the blog. But I wanted more than that, and I can’t seem to take the next step in my mind that will allow me to take it to the next level in real life. So I continue to work at these feelings where they sit, just under the surface, a nagging sense that I could be so much more, do so much more, make so much more of my life. And then I feel guilty because I do love my life as it is now and I feel very privileged to have had the opportunity I have had to stay home with my girls. Sigh, and then my thoughts go round in circles and get tangled up all over again and I think that I will just wait until I feel more ready before facing up to all of this.

The really good thing? I am not alone in this journey, some lovely people I know in the internet are forging their own paths and working through their own barriers and it’s a pleasure and a privilege to share the journey. I am learning loads along the way (thanks Fe!) and I am hoping this means that one of these days I will wake up and know what it is that I want to do when I grow up and have the courage to achieve it.

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