The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Pregnancy journal

Last time I was pregnant I kept a journal which I wrote in almost daily during the 307 days of my pregnancy. We took weekly photos of my belly as it grew and distended and I went to a yoga class every week from 12 weeks onwards. I spent a lot of time thinking and talking about my pregnancy and was surrounded by lovely people who cared enough to listen and share. This time round its very different, I can’t believe I am in the second trimester already and even though people have warned me it goes a lot quicker second time around I didn’t really believe it until suddenly, wham, my pants don’t fit!

I mentioned previously how I have felt slightly detached from this pregnancy for a few reasons. Instead of turning inward and reflecting I have tried to concentrate on the reality of my life, my 27 month old daughter, my hard working husband, our home but then watching our new baby turn over inside my belly made it all rush back. That awed feeling of not being alone in my body, the awareness that there are good reasons why I have been feeling run down, nauseous, tired, moody. Its making sense to me now and I am starting to feel that flush of wellbeing that I remember from being pregnant with Amy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety levels are still a little too high and the dreams I am having are hair raising including one about a diamond encrusted microwave! But overall I am in a good place and look forward to documenting more of my pregnancy, starting with a little timeline for the sake of record keeping.

Sunday 6th July 2008 – Amy’s second birthday.
An easy date to remember as the first day of my last known period which every Dr, midwife or nurse asks me for.
Tuesday 22nd July 2008
First positive ovulation test! Hooray!
Tuesday 5th August 2008
14 days post ovulation, no symptoms but no sign of a period, I am feeling very sorry for myself and convinced that I am not pregnant again this month.
Friday 8th August 2008
34 days since last period, still no sign of a it so I finally break down and pee on a pregnancy test. I leave it in the bathroom while I go in and get Amy up and Ron goes into the bathroom while I am waiting. I shout through the door for him not to look at the test until I am ready, he comes out and says he wouldn’t know what he is looking at anyway. We both look at it and its clear we do know what we are looking at, its a positive pregnancy test! We jump around, take photos and then have a quiet panic when we realise what we are getting ourselves into!
Later we call my Mum in South Africa, its her birthday and its the best birthday present we could arrange. She is overjoyed for us and promises to keep it a secret until we feel ready to tell.
We have friends round for dinner for the Olympics opening ceremony, I make a feast of Chinese food and Margaret asks us if anything lucky has happened to us today on the 08/08/08. Ron and I make sideways glances at each other. (The irony, we find out when we tell Margaret and David a few weeks later that they are pregnant too, only a week behind me and they found out the very same day!)
Sunday, 10th August – 5 weeks pregnant
I have the most horrific nightmare about Amy that wakes me up in a literal cold sweat at 1.30am. I dreamt that Ron and I were watching the Olympic swimming with Margaret and Amy and someone else, a friend was there too. We had to go somewhere so we asked the friend to keep an eye on Amy. We were on our way back when we saw Margaret have a bad fall and when we got there she was ok but Amy was nowhere and we couldn’t find the friend. We searched frantically and then a Chinese man said they had played a practical joke and stuffed a child into the boxes under the seats. Ron pulled the boxes up and Amy was there, wrapped in material, she was pale and very sweaty and I knew instantly that something was terribly wrong, I turned away to the water and screamed and Ron was pulling things off her saying it was going to be alright. My whole existence had come down to a pinprick and I knew she was dead. I woke up right then gasping, my heart beating manically and covered in a slick clammy sweat. I couldn’t calm down and because Amy was staying at Grandma and Grandad I couldn’t go and watch her sleeping and calm myself. I lay in bed and everytime I closed my eyes I could just see that pale and sweaty face wrapped in those cloths and I just couldn’t shake it. We were up early, both of us restless and we called Margaret and John before they went to church to speak to Amy. She said “hello mummy” and I really did feel relieved. The pregnancy dreams have started already.
Monday, 11th August 2008
Had a lovely appointment with a new Dr up the road to confirm my pregnancy and made some decisions about the care we are going to have and the route we are going to take. Ron and I are still very undecided about whether to go private or public, everyone has their own experience and anecdote and its very hard to make the right choice for us in isolation of everything else. The Dr looks over my list of Obstetricians and recommends highly one of them. Later I make an appointment with him for two weeks time when I will be 8 weeks pregnant. We are almost fully decided to go private. In Australia everyone over the age of 30 gets a tax rebate for having private health insurance, Ron and I have good cover which would allow me to deliver my baby at a private hospital and take advantage of the facilities and care that come with it. In reality it also means we have to pay upfront for the privilege of having an Obstetrician although we can claim the bulk of this back through the public health system. Its a confusing and difficult system to navigate and understand and EVERYONE you speak to will tell you something different. “Obstetrician’s mean more intervention”, “private hospitals are a rip off”, “you would be better off going public.”

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