The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Independant Amy

There is something I need to talk about in more detail here. Its something that has been on my mind a lot lately, its not an issue as such, just an aspect of parenting that has been unexpected and as a result I don’t know how well I am dealing with it. My daughter is fiercely independant. I have talked about it before, how as a baby she never coped well with excessive cuddling, she preferred to lie in my lap and watch me than be held close to me, its as though from very early on she liked to observe the world and make her own judgements about it rather than be held close and have it all pointed out to her. A friend commented to me recently on how easy it was to succumb to letting their newborn baby sleep in their bed because he slept so much better when he was cuddled between them and I had to admit that we never struggled with that because Amy would fight to be seperate from us. She slept peacefully in her moses basket from the moment we brought her home from the hospital. On the rare occasions when she would fall asleep next to me after a feed, she would only sleep a few minutes before she woke up and shouted to be put back in her basket!

Early on I struggled with this independance because I wasn’t able to use those skills I imagined I would need as a mother, the ability to pick up your child, hold it close and comfort it. Amy is unusual in that she hardly ever cries or gets upset when she is hurt. Not that she gets hurt a lot, but this morning for example she pulled her bedroom door closed on her fingers and let out a yell. I scooped her up to comfort her and although she will cuddle close for a moment, almost instantly she wriggles to be free and then gestures to the door as though asking me for an explanation for what happened rather than the simple comfort of a hug and a kiss.
Since the night terrors have evaporated Amy is sleeping well so I haven’t had to deal with that horrible feeling in the middle of the night where holding my baby actually makes her panic worse and that is a relief because I found that very hard to come to terms with. My cuddles with Amy are funny things, we spend a lot of time on the floor in the late afternoon, reading books, playing with her shape sorter and Amy will climb on me, absentmindedly resting her head on my chest or grabbing onto my fingers so I can dip her backwards through my legs which she loves. She is discerning with her physical proximity. Recently we have taught her to kiss us, she makes a mmmmmmm sound and leans in to touch lips and its such a wonderful feeling to ask my baby for a kiss and to receive one. But she is sparing with these kisses and often will give Ron a kiss but then shake her head vehemently when I ask her for one! Sometimes its hard not to feel a little resentful of his easy relationship with his daughter and even though I KNOW why this is, I wonder at the complexities of my relationship with my little girl even at this age.
I have said before that parenting is an ongoing lesson for me and not all of these lessons are fun to learn. I love my baby so much that sometimes I want to smother her in kisses and hold her close but more so now than ever, loving her is about letting her go to explore her world and make her own mind up.
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