The Super Whites The ordinary life of a Super Mum

The Super Whites
Leaving Amy with strangers
Yesterday was a big day for Amy and I. I have joined the gym up the road in an effort to address my post-baby body and to make some time just for me. Its a super place, big, clean, lots of facilities, classes, and a pool with the best view of Sydney. Seriously, you actually have to see it to believe it. I will sneak the camera in and take some photos next time I go. There is also a creche or playzone where three or more carers take charge of your small people while you work out. When I went to have a look around before I joined, I stood at the glass and watched the children for a few minutes and everyone looked happy and safe. I didn’t give it much further thought until yesterday morning when I got into my gym clothes whilst Amy was napping. I called to book her a place at 11.30. The maximum stay is 90 minutes and I was aiming for about half an hour to start with. (mostly because I didn’t think I could physically exercise for longer than that without expiring!)
I made sure that I had my gym gear, bottle of water, $2 coin for the lockers and sweat towel and I packed Amy’s snack bag with emergency cheerios, water, breadsticks, dummy and comfort muslin cloth for when all else fails. I still wasn’t really thinking about it all, just making sure we had everything we need and were running on time. So it was only when I kissed her on the head and walked away that it hit me.

I left my baby with someone else, not a person who knows her and understands her way of communicating, or her funny moods, or her desire to carry things around and offer them to people. I left her with three women that I had never met before, didn’t know their credentials, hadn’t explained my little one to. I pushed her pram into the room and through the childproof gate and then I walked away.

And I feel almost embarrassed to admit how hard I took this. I went and got changed and found a treadmill and then had a little weep, brushing away tears with my sweat towel and then I pulled myself together and reminded myself that having a baby and loving a baby is an ongoing lesson in learning to let go of them.

I would like to say that overall it was a great first time experience. And in many ways it was. I hardened my heart a little more and got a little braver. Amy was absolutely fine right up until the last minute or two before I came to fetch her and as I was coming into the Playzone, Daniella was coming to find me as Amy was suddenly inconsolable and even her emergency cheerios weren’t helping! I picked her up and held her close and wept some more as she clutched my shirt and hiccuped while reaching for her snacks. Growing up has never been harder for me than it is right now. (and of course I ache all over like someone whacked me with a big stick!)
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